Okay, so a little important things to know before you read the chapter. By the idea of a reader who commented the previous chapter, and the support of this idea by Anatoli, a major thing in the first chapter has been changed, which I will edit into that chapter sometime soon. The scientist that Sierra meets is not alive. Instead the lunatic scientist has been replaced by an audio log. We felt that it would give a better sense of dread and loneliness into the story, which is what we're aiming for. So just so you don't read the second chapter with utter confusion, this is a change we made that is now canon for the entire story. There have been a few tweaks here and there, but as I've said before, nothing I publish here is a final draft, so anything in this chapter that contradicts are probably ideas that will be rewritten to work in the future. The general rule for this is that the latest chapter published is always canon until the next one is published, then any changes there are canon.
Okay, to the second chapter at hand. My personal opinion of this is a little less excited than the first chapter. It was harder to write than the first, particularly the ending and finding clever ways to make the experience more scary. This is my first ever horror story, so making the scary scenes genuinely scary was a challenge to me. But hopefully I managed to pull it off at least a little. It's for you to decide.
Sadly, the third chapter is a bit on hold for a while. Now that I've written the story for the first level of the game, the level design is gonna start. Don't worry, I will continue to write the story, just not in the same speed as before. I have some plans for where the story will go, I even have an idea I'm throwing around for the third chapter that I will experiment with, so hopefully it will see the light of day. Just don't hold your breath. (I hear that's not healthy.)
I'm also hugely surprised that the first chapter got so great reception. So great that I made a meme in it's honor! I'm ever so thankful!
Also, we have a new member of the group who should be acknowledged. We recruited Oscar's friend and fellow band member Pontus who is gonna write the music for our game! He's given us a little preview of what he can do for us, and so far we're very pleased with what he's shown.
Anyways, link to the chapter here! Hope you enjoy it!
Magnus out!
Nice chapter, I see you have made some proper work on Sierra's personality! At the moment I think she's still a bit bland (the frustration she's exhibiting at the moment is realistic, but doesn't exactly define her character), but it's a step in the right direction, and I can understand if you are trying to pace the development of the character, sort of like in Amnesia the Dark Decent I'd imagine. What really intrigued me though was the spider part - are you thinking of making Sierra arachnophobic and implementing spiders to scare the player? Because at least I think that would be pretty neat. It's also been pretty interesting that you've shown some parts of Sierra's past, that's pretty cool. Thanks for the nice story so far, keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment!
DeleteWell, as I've said previously, I'm having some problems with developing her personality. Since she for the most part is the only character in the game, I need to create events that define her way of thinking and such. But I've taken this into account. The next chapter is gonna be more based on Sierra as a character I decided while finishing this chapter.
I'm not kidding when I'm saying that Amnesia is a huge influence here, sometimes when I need to set the mood I put on the Amnesia soundtrack whilst writing, and Amnesia is as far as I see it the most terrifying game made so far.
I wanted Sierra to have a few quirks to her, and I thought that arachnophobia is partly something that makes her more relatable and close to a normal person. Using a few common phobias seemed like a good idea!
Hello once again Ayin Productions!
ReplyDeleteMassEffective here yet again to give you my feedback on this new chapter. So first of, the story is, as Mr. Anonymous said, nice. It flowed well, and we got more character development. This is good because, as the player gets more personal with the character, the player will feel and experience the thrills more and more like Sierra would. It creates immersion. Good!
Secondly, the episode with the gun cabinet being closed was brilliant. The players feels relieved that they can finally acquire a gun, only to get smacked in the face by the cruelty of it being locked. You set up the immersion of hope, only to crush it down.
With this, you could also add an episode in the future chapters, where Sierra hears a man/woman call for help. Sierra goes through a scary experience to get to the person, only to realize, that it is an audio log set on loop.
And now to the last inquire I have. This is not so much about the chapter (actually it kind of is, when I think about it) but more like feedback for your music/ atmosphere composer. The familiar "Ding!" whenever the elevator arrives, can be turned into a horror scenario for the player.
The monster, as an example, could ride the elevator freely around the facility. Whenever the "Ding!" is sounded, the player knows, that the monster is roaming the same corridors.
The player would frighteningly walk around, constantly repeating to him/herself; "Don't say ding, please don't say ding!" When it then happens, the player would be scarred shitless. Also, the elevator may be the only way out of the corridor. The player is then trapped with the monster and then has to wait and hide until it walks away from the elevator.
This horror scenario could also be done with different sounds. Perhaps the paw-footsteps you heard in this chapter?
Anyway, this is what I had for now! I will be sure to add more feedback, in case I would happen to stumble upon any.
I hope this is useful. Have a good day regardless!
MassEffetive
Thank you very much! All of this is incredibly helpful, I'm happy to have a regular reader with lots of creative feedback! I'll be sure to think of ways to implement such ways of immersion and horror.
DeleteHope to hear from you soon when the third chapter is up!
This chapter was a bit different. I agree with the previous comments about seeing Sierra's personality develop a bit. I like that she's the less-than-perfect-Superhero we're used to seeing. I will admit I wasn't quite sure what happened when she tried to open the gun cabinet. Was it empty? Was it locked? Either way she was unable to arm herself.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I'm not sure I liked was that the imagery seemed less vibrant as the previous chapter. But it could have been that way to focus more on the suspense of the situation.
I'm still interested in where this story will go. I can tell you have the plot played out in your head. I mean this as constructive criticism: I think you really would benefit from some writing classes. The story is gripping, but your storytelling techniques could use some refinement. Some of your vocabulary makes it seem that you're having a conversation with the reader rather than narrating a story.
Overall, I'm glad to see the story advance and I hope to see more. Keep writing! -SailorBOB
Thanks for the comment!
DeleteMy writing does have a tendency to fluctuate here and there, this is probably the first time I'm actually sticking to a writing project in the long run. I've written short stories (none of them got finished, mind) so I have a lot of learning to do!
I'm definitely going to think about writing classes, but to be honest, most writing classes I've seen around where I live seem quite rubbish, because you often get stuck with close-minded teachers.
My vocabulary is a bit weird at times. I can say that on your last point, it's probably cause I'm heavily inspired by Neil Gaiman. He's my favorite author and his writing has a very personal touch to it, so much of my writing skill is thanks to his fine works.
I'm currently reading novels to help me cultivate my narrative skills a bit more. (At the moment I'm reading Metro 2033 and am planning on reading H.P Lovecraft's short stories after.)